Episode 11: A Message of Love and Encouragement to Black Dads & Advocacy for their Mental Health
Good morning y buenos dias. To my lovely friends all over the world welcome to the Noggin Podcast, a cozy mental health advocacy podcast with me, Kyarra Keele. It genuinely means so much to me that you’re here.
On this podcast we provide a safe, loving space advocating for diverse mental health dialogue in the community for people of color, educating about marginalized mental illnesses, and providing resources for mental health recovery. If that's what you’re looking for, welcome home!
Hey, it’s Kyarra. Welcome back! Bienvenidos a todos! It’s the first episode of season two and we’re finally here together again. Our home has grown so much in the break between seasons and there are so many new listeners and supporters, so thank you, muchisimas gracias!. If you’re looking for transcripts to follow along and read while you listen, especially for my lovely deaf and hard of hearing community: I do provide transcripts for all episodes on the Noggin Podcast website.
So, I know that Father’s Day technically already passed as of yesterday but I want to be clear that my appreciation for my father and for all black fathers and fathers of color who have stepped up to the plate to go above and beyond for their families and their communities extends past just a single day on the calendar. So I’m continuing the celebration and I hope you’ll join me and do the same. It’s been a lot of late nights and early mornings crafting this episode, and I’ve had a plethora of meaningful conversations with black fathers in my life and in my community.
By the way, if you enjoy this podcast and value the cozy comforting space it provides and the love and passion I put into this for you can support the noggin podcast by becoming one of my beautiful patreon supporters at patreon.com/thenogginpodcast or you can donate through anchor.fm/thenoggin podcast/support.I deeply appreciate any support no matter the donation amount they're really, really helps me continue creating cozy and empowering mental health advocacy content for you and for those who need it most in this swirling universe so, thank you so much.
Also, an incredibly important note: though we have listeners in countries around the world, I or this podcast episode cannot reach the ears of all of those lovely black dads all by myself. So even if you aren’t black, and you are not a dad, but you know a black dad, a friend’s father, a husband, a professor, a coach, a mentor, a community leader who happens to be a black dad that would appreciate a little love and acknowledgment and encouragement, please share this episode link with them or please share it on your social media if you feel open to doing so. If you’re looking to do something kind and something in support of black people and other people of color, that’s a small 1-second task that you can do today. Just send them this episode link. Even if you don’t have a black dad in your life, there’s a reason you clicked on this episode, there’s a reason you’re still listening and I still 200% encourage you to keep listening. You are welcome here and you can join this conversation. All races. All genders. All people. Dads or not.
Alright, let’s start this episode out celebrating with our beautiful tradition,here on The Noggin Podcast. This tradition as I said in my last episode about how to Maintain Mental Health with Financial Troubles or through Job Loss) is even more important during these times of distress and unrest. For our tradition, we take a pause from the episode to do one thing to nurture and invest in ourselves. As I always say, a plant collector, I’ve learned that much like plants, our minds need gentle encouragement. So, let’s use this noggin nurturing segment to motivate ourselves to get out of bed and get going if it’s morning where you are or if not just do something to give your day a boost.
Although I’m obviously not a dad, I can envision that sometimes it would be difficult to get out of bed as a father of color when you’re stressed about the racial tension in the world, when you’re stressed about protecting your family, when you’re feeling depressed or a lack of support, when you feel the pressure to quote-unquote “man up” whatever the heck the that means. So, if you’re looking for some ideas of what you can do, well, you can make yourself a cozy cup of coffee or tea, ask for or give someone you love a hug especially your children if you can, you could hit a short workout, do some gentle stretching, make a phone call to someone you love, or make that brave call to make your first or next counseling appointment (speaking of which, I’ll be discussing dads of color using therapy a little more further on in this episode) journal, make your to-do list for the day, or plan out a healthy breakfast. You could take a short 5 or 10-minute walk or if you’re on medication, you can use this time to take your meds. If you’re in the car or on public transit commuting, you can still participate, so don’t worry! I’d like you to make a pledge to yourself of what you’ll do to nurture yourself as soon as you finish your commute.
As I always say, I truly understand that sometimes even the most simple tasks can feel like they take all of your energy, so please pick a task that’s gentle and kind to your body and mind. If all you can do for the pause is simply get out of bed and use the bathroom or get out of bed and brush your teeth, make that your plan of action and follow-through. That’s okay. You’re doing your best and I acknowledge that. We’re all out here just trying to do our best. For myself to celebrate the Noggin Nurturing segment, I ate some good vegan ice cream, mint chocolate chip flavor. Okay, 100% comment below to share with me and everyone in our home how you’ll spend the break for the Noggin Nurturing segment…
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Bueno, welcome back from the break y bienvenidos!
I’ll be thanking quite a few individuals throughout this episode who helped me create this content because it truly was a collaborative effort. I want to first shout out my mum, who lives in a different state and was incredibly kind to stay up with me over the phone on many late nights so we could brainstorm and cultivate this heartfelt content because I wanted this to be a bit of a surprise for my dad.
So, what is my message for black dads and other dads of color and why do I advocate for your mental wellness?
Well, I am a black woman, who has been blessed with a black dad that is more than just present in my life but who chose (emphasis on the chose) to commit to being my loving father and dad in every sense of the word. We haven’t always been perfect, every relationship takes mutual work and you have to make that choice every day to show up in each other's lives but my dad has ultimately made the choice to show up for me for as long as he’s in this universe and for that I am eternally grateful. As I’ve aged and my father has aged, I’ve watched him become a more joyful and more powerful man with each passing year because he took the time to invest in himself and his mental health in his own way. Dad, if you’re listening, I don’t say enough that I’m proud of you. I’m proud that you’re my Dad. Also a major shoutout to my Dad to launching his new art and fashion line website, he is a second-generation expressionist painter in WA state and many of his pieces retell important parts of black history, bringing back special people and places that have been misplaced, overwritten or forgotten. If you’d like to support an incredible black artist and clothing designer who is up and coming in both the national and international space, you can visit vincentkeele.com.
It’s been a long journey and I hope our journey continues for a long time down the road of the future. My dad taught me how to make pancakes, he taught me about compound interest and savings, he taught me about fashion and black culture, and he’s part of the reason I currently have hip length hair. My dad has beautiful locs down to his waist as well and it’s frankly so magical so I feel compelled to compete with him haha. He gave me my first beautiful carved afro pick and taught me how to back up into a parking space and so much more. Speaking of afro picks, if you need a smile, and you’ve never seen the the Oscar award winning short film “Hair Love” by Matthew A. Cherry and Bruce W. Smith, I highly recommend you watch it. It’s 6:48 seconds that are sure to leave you feeling good.
But long story short, if you have a dad of color or you know a black dad, and you’re proud of him for something, let them know! Lift them up!
I also created this episode because I thought it was vital for me to say that if you are a dad of color, it’s okay to go to therapy, it’s okay to seek out professional help for stress, anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, PTSD, bipolar, drug and alcohol dependencies, eating disorders, anything. It’s okay to not have it all figured out, it’s okay to reset, to take a U-turn in your life, to make a career change, it’s okay to take a day off, to cry, to feel insecure, to feel frustrated with past failures and fearful for future failures. It’s okay to take medication if you need it. It’s okay to go to rehab. It’s okay to go back to rehab if it didn’t work out the first time. It’s okay to confide in your partner if you’re struggling. If you’re a single black father, it’s okay and encouraged to look for a village to help support you. As my Uncle Mike, another wonderful black dad says, “No man is an island”. (Repeats).
If you’re not too sure how to seek out professional help but you want to change your life for the better, I encourage you to check out episodes 2 and 3 from my podcast in which I discuss how to find affordable mental health care and how to save time and money while accessing online therapy if you’re interested. If you’re not convinced enough to prioritize your mental health as a black dad, consider this: Your kids look up to you. It may not seem like they’re always listening. Dad, it may not seem like I listen much. But I do. We do. If you, for example, take the leap of faith to try therapy or medication for the first time so that you can be a happier, healthier, and more stable human being and man and father, what you’re showing your children is several things: One, you’re showing your them that prioritizing your mental health is paramount. Two, you’re showing your children that seeking help does not make you weak, in fact, it positions you to evolve into a more powerful and confident individual. And three, by investing in your mental health, it’s really the ultimate I love you to your children and to your potential grandchildren if they choose to have them, because when you’re stable and happy you’re going to speak to them and treat them with more gentleness and more compassion and more patience. A quote I was told was: “A good man thinks generationally, he does not just prepare for his children’s future, but for his grandchildren’s.”
My grandfather, my papa, is another wonderful example of a powerful black man in my life who chose to do exactly that, to prepare himself not only for his children’s future, but for his grandchildren. I am incredibly blessed to have him in my life and he is someone I look up to.
So often we focus on the negative black father stereotype, this outdated, closed-minded idea; the concept of an absentee father, a father with low standards, a father who does not wholeheartedly commit to the world of fatherhood. The reality is, as my cousin Tony said, another amazing black dad, “You don’t get to pick and choose when to be a father” We, black people and people of all other races as well, often forget to acknowledge the black dads who are getting it right and owning their fatherhood, or maybe had a few missteps along the way but have changed their lives and proudly stepped into their role as a dad. My mentor Mecca said something along the lines of, sometimes when someone does their best it’s not always exactly what you wanted but that doesn’t take away from the fact that it’s still the person’s best. So, I want you to know that I see you out there. We may not know each other, but if you’re listening to this and you’re a dad of color who is genuinely doing your best, then this one is for you. You are acknowledged, you are divine.
Alright, I could definitely go on but I’ll leave it here and let you, my lovely listeners pick up the conversation. This has been my short and sweet message of love and encouragement to black dads and my advocacy for their mental health, especially in these chaotic times. Please feel welcome to visit The Noggin Podcast website and drop a comment on your thoughts! Also, please share this with any dads of color in your life who you think could use a little love.
If you enjoyed and valued this cozy episode and would love to support me in creating more empowering mental health content, you can help me spread compassion and reach more people in need by donating to anchor.fm/thenoggin podcast/support or at patreon.com/the noggin podcast. Thank you so much.
The very last thing: If you already know me you can skip these 40 seconds and just head to the end of this episode, but if you are new here and you’ve never stumbled across me before, a pleasure to meet you. Again, my name is Kyarra Keele. Aside from being the host of this post, I'm a four-time published author I was a healthy lifestyle blogger for a six years and I am an aspiring polyglot currently learning four languages which are Spanish American Sign Language French and Arabic. I was a mental health ambassador working as a liaison between the community and local health center to educate and support and progress the mental health dialogue and I've been navigating the mental health system for about a decade.
Now I'm just extremely passionate about mental health service and advocacy because I believe that no one deserves to be hurting or feeling alone in this universe. I hope that this compassionate podcast will cheer you along on your good days and offer a cozy and supportive haven for you on your more difficult days.
If you made it here to the conclusion of this episode, I’d like to say thank you so much. Muchisimas gracias. If you’re interested in learning more information about The Noggin Podcast you can visit our website and subscribe to be a part of our cozy home with new episode releases every other Monday morning. See you in the next episode! Nos vemos en el próximo episodio.