Episode 21 Transcript:
How to Sass/Roast Your Depression
(Advice From a Black Woman with Bipolar Disorder)
Underrated Mental Health Tips to Tell Depression No Thank You
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In this cozy episode, I’m going to share with you four, underrated tips to learn how to use sass and humor to set boundaries your depression, find the momentum to accomplish overwhelming day to day tasks and invest in your healing and happiness(Gentle smile in voice/lighthearted tone) So, if you’re struggling a bit with your depression lately and looking for new strategies, or perspective from someone like me, a black woman who has navigated the depressive episodes of bipolar disorder for most of my existence, or maybe just a smile, come relax with me and keep listening!
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Good morning y buenos dias! Welcome to The Noggin Podcast, a cozy mental health advocacy podcast, with me, Kyarra Keele. It genuinely means so much to me that you’re here, so thank you.
On this podcast we cultivate a gentle space advocating for diverse mental health dialogue in the community for people of color, educating about marginalized mental illnesses, sharing empowering resources for recovery, & providing the occasional sprinkling of zest through sarcasm & shenanigans. So, if that's what you’re looking for, welcome home!
Hey, it’s Kyarra. Today has been a day. It’s actually the perfect day to record an episode about how to sass your depression and put it in its place so you can thrive, because depression was quite bold with me today. It had the audacity to try to come disturb my peace and tried to squash my greatness to convince me that I couldn’t record this episode for you but here we are because depression is stubborn but I come from a long lineage of knuckleheaded, resilient individuals, so two can play that game (smiles playfully) Since you’re listening to this, I’m guessing depression has been bold in disrespecting you as well. I’m happy you’re here because we’re going to address that nonsense.
You’ve probably heard the saving that if you give some people an inch, they'll take a mile. Well, I believe, if you give depression an inch, it can take your life. I envision depression as a housemate/roommate, except, someone brazen enough to try to boss you around, bully you, and berate you in your home, they have dusty, ashy elbows, and they don’t even pay rent. So, if you think of it that way, it becomes clearly unacceptable, right? So, I had to learn to set boundaries with my own depression.
Regardless of whether you have major depression or the depressive episodes of bipolar disorder, these tips will still apply. I’m creating this because although I’ve never said it bluntly on this podcast, which I realized is a disservice that I need to change, I have lived with bipolar disorder along with a lovely combination of other mental health struggles for as long as I can remember, formally diagnosed about 5 years ago, and I’ve worked genuinely so hard to progress in my healing & be who I am today. I also so happen to be a black woman with bipolar disorder which means it was and remains rare to find helpful, relatable bipolar representation on the internet and consequently, I suffered through the debilitating depressive episodes of my bipolar for a decade because I didn’t know certain advice, resources, and I didn’t really see an example of someone who had my mezcla of diagnoses or the severity of my depression who made it out alive. As you can imagine that was not so lovely for my morale. So, my goal with this episode per usual is to share with you the things that no one ever told me, in this case, how to not let your depression disrespect you the way I did for years so that you can cultivate your happiness.
This episode will be explored in 4 segments and you find the topics outline or timestamps below in the description. Let me be clear though: These tips do not replace professional help whatsoever. These are habits that may help immensely as day-to-day gentle practices for healing during the process of seeking help, in combination while in therapy or support groups, or afterward to maintain your mental health. If you feel like depression is hindering your ability to function with eating, sleep, hygiene or you’re struggling with work, school, or your relationships, I gently encourage you to please look for support, affordable or even free mental health resources do exist. And, (smiles) because I think it’s unhelpful when people say there are resources and then don’t suggest examples of said resources, please take a little peek at the description box below, as I’ve included links to affordable therapy that I’ve discussed before such as Inclusive therapists.com, TherapyforBlackmen.org which has a financial aid option, I added links to thoughtful information if you’re looking to learn more about bipolar disorder, and linked my favorite uplifting Twitter for bipolar community and resources that I value which is the lovely @bipolarclub. I would also be so happy if you’re listening to my voice right now if you would come say hey to me on my new zesty Twitter @Noggin_podcast, link in description. Let me know your valuable takeaways from this episode once you finish it.
I’m actively sharing gentle reminders, empowering resources, and cute little cartoon plant puns to make you smile, so come explore and say hey. Ep 3 is about money-saving tips if you’re interested in BetterHelp online therapy with a financial aid option, I have episodes about free mental health apps, warmlines, and hotlines that I personally tested and five different episodes with life-saving student mental health and disability accommodation tips, so please go explore these resources.
I had to invest years and years of life into the work of finding the right tools that make me feel better which required experimenting with everything that my different therapists, psychiatrists, mum, local herbalist, and WebMD (gentle laugh) told me to try. So I’m not new to this. After 1 decade of experimenting, I found that most of the solutions everyone said would help my depression, did not help at all or made me feel worse and a few simple solutions that don’t work for everyone ended up saving my life. I’ll do a separate episode detailing that soon.
So, tip #1, let’s start with the foundational attitude that I find necessary to manage my depression. Essentially, I had to learn that when my depression is being disrespectful, it helps immensely to talk back to it in my head in a way that mocks, challenges, and roasts it. You know the energy some of you have on social media to sass and roast some random being on the internet that is acting foolish? You have to maintain that same energy when it comes to your depression acting foolish. I don’t have a name for my depression but I’m trying to decide on one because I think it eases the weight. Some people name it as a joke and that helps them find humor because they can say like “Margaret has an attitude today and she’s trying to keep from my greatness” Or “Walter is getting on my nerves, so I think I need to schedule my next therapy session because he’s got to go” (gentle laugh) Comment below and let me know if your depression has a name and if you don’t have one yet, what’s a potential name? It could be a fictional, cartoon or movie character. I’m trying to think of like the grumpiest sounding name. Maybe in the next episode, I’ll have one to share. But when that harsh self-critical voice starts to tell me that I’m not loved, I can’t do this, life is too hard, I won’t heal, things aren’t going to get better, I can’t accomplish that, I failed...all that classic nonsense and it tries to make me feel hopeless, I learned to shut that down by responding with sass.
For example, if my sadboy brain is like, “Why do you even keep trying to get better, why do you even bother”, I reply, “Why don’t you mind your business, hmm?” When my depression says, “No one loves you, no one cares” I’m like: “It’s funny because I must have missed the part where I asked your opinion. And besides, someone sent me a cheeky meme an hour ago that had me wheezing and that's the purest expression of love. Next!” And, when my depression tries to make me feel guilty and tells me that I’m a terrible human being, I just sit there like “Well, if I was really as bad as you’re making me out to be, which I’m not because I’m literally just sitting here trying to breathe, I think there would have been some divine intervention by now if I was really so awful, so until that occurs, leave me be. Thank you” Now, this is by no means easy. Learning to react in this way takes time and practice to learn.
It may feel unnatural to talk back to those thoughts with confidence and that makes sense because it’s just like a bully, or an abusive partner, or a toxic friend who’s been in your life talking nonsense and overstepping boundaries for too long. But every time you stand up to that voice with sarcasm or sass and shut it out like “mmm, no thank you”. It gets a little easier each time and eventually, you might even be able to make yourself laugh even on tough mental health days because you’ll be able to at least recognize and call out the lies that depression tries to tell you, while you gradually learn tools to heal.
For the Noggin Nurturing segment tradition here on this podcast where we do one thing to invest in ourselves, I challenge you to match the bold energy of that little voice of depression at least once today, don’t let it come into your home with that disrespect, and maybe come up with an amusing name so that it’s easier to roast. That’s my challenge to you today.
By the way, if you’re enjoying this episode, it would mean a lot to me if you would take 2 seconds to share this link with someone you love/someone you think needs to hear this. & If you’d like to support me in creating more cozy & empowering mental health advocacy content for you, you can also become one of my lovely Patreon supporters at patreon.com/thenogginpodcast. Thank you, muchisimas gracias.
Tip #2 is all about establishing non-negotiable boundaries to maintain a baseline for your mental health and self-care. The idea is that with these non-negotiables in place, even on the worst days, you can still feel proud of yourself, and will have invested in your mental health in some way, no matter how small. You can put these in a note that pops up with your phone alarm in the morning, record yourself a voice note that you can play when you wake up, write these in a daily journal next to your bed for you to check off, or on a mini whiteboard in your room, whatever works.
A few examples of my self-care non-negotiables that I need to do to feel okay and proud of myself would be: always opening my blinds to let in light first thing in the morning so that I can photosynthesize like the little plant I am, I have to take my CBD immediately when I wake up, I maintain a regular wake up time even if I stayed up late, I have to make my bed up every single day, even if I don’t find the energy to make the bed until 3 pm and I get right back into it, I still have to make the bed. That’s the rule. Neat sheets and fluffed pillows make me feel good. Basic hygiene to feel clean and smell good is a non-negotiable for my mental health because it is the most influential factor in my mood (I understand it can be extremely difficult if you’re in a deep depression. I have to hold this as a firm boundary because I know that if I let that slip for even a day or give depression an inch of room, everything will spiral, so I’m very strict), I put on fragrance every day even if I’m not leaving the house because my mood is highly impacted by uplifting scents and it helps me feel put together even if I’m not, I have to eat at least one meal every day even if my mind tries to convince me I don’t need it or deserve it because your brain cannot work and help you feel better if it has no fuel, and I always write down what I’ve accomplished during the day that I feel happy about, even if it’s something that feels silly like brushing my teeth or washing one fork. Because it’s not silly. It matters. It’s a positive action, it’s progress.
I encourage you to create these firm self-care boundaries for your depression that you can hold yourself accountable to on the rough days; pick tasks that are simple yet most impactful and that you personally feel proud of. Be sure to write them down, record that voice note, or set alarms with reminders. Also, reevaluate non-negotiable boundaries you may already have to see if you can challenge yourself to add in something that would elevate your self-care and invest deeper into your own happiness.
The 3rd tip, which is what I’ll call the “plus one strategy” is a trick I use every day and it’s incredibly helpful once you get into the groove with your non-negotiable boundaries. It’s essentially upselling but to yourself. You know when you buy a sandwich and they try to sell you a drink on the side or some galletitas (some cookies) to finagle you into spending more money? Same concept. Every time I do one self-care act, I add a small additional self-care act that is the plus one. The key though, (very important) is that the plus one needs to be so easy and convenient that it doesn’t take much convincing to add it in just like with real business upselling.
For example: If your original task was to lotion your ashy toes, then the plus one self-care is to put on lip balm so your lips are luscious and thriving too. If the original task was to get your phone charger from across your room, the plus one task is to pick up a lonely sock that is along the path and needs to go into the laundry basket. You can use this same method for studying, working on passion projects, or professional goals. The strategy helps me a lot because usually when I do a simple plus one, it encourages me to continue and turns into plus 5, and before I know it I’ve accomplished several little victories and got the most bang for my buck without overthinking.
The last tip I’ll share with you today is simple but definitely, one of those “easier said than done” strategies that requires us to be patient and continue practicing. The strategy is called opposite action. I’ll spare you the dry, lengthy explanation and link a more detailed scientific explanation below if you’re interested but to summarize in a few seconds: Opposite Action means you actively choose to do the exact opposite behavior your emotions are trying to influence you to do. The way I see it is, if my depression is trying to convince me not to do something, 99.9% of the time it is exactly the self-care that I need to do. When our depression tries to tell us don’t get out of bed, don’t reach out to your friends for help, don’t seek therapy because it’s not going to help, don’t take a shower it’s too much effort, and don’t eat, these are the kind gifts to ourselves that are most important. The minute my depression says not to do one of those, it immediately becomes the mission-critical task that I know I need to pour my energy and focus into. Why? Because if I can overcome that first barrier, the rest of the day will flow a bit easier.
Opposite Action is a strategy from Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) which is an evidence-based treatment you may have already heard of or tried yourself, and it focuses on mindfulness, acceptance, and emotional regulation. I’ve been using this for years and actually didn’t know that it had a formal name as part of evidence-based treatment. I personally use it to motivate myself to accomplish tasks that I may find overwhelming.
Let’s take the example of getting out of bed. The minute my depression tries to convince me to stay in bed for another hour or all day, I take that as a signal that I need to get out of bed as fast as possible. It doesn’t matter if I have to put on the most trash music to dance my way out of bed, if I have to use momentum to physically heave-ho myself out of bed, if I have to use eating mochi for breakfast to get me out of bed, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I do the one thing that my depression wants me to fail at because if I lay in that bed the way my depression wants me to, the sadboy wave will obliterate me. The faster you do the opposite action, the better because if you do it fast enough your brain doesn’t even have time to come up with more excuses. It doesn’t always work perfectly as with any other tool but it can help immensely with practice and it feels so lovely every time you earn a little victory.
Please know that sometimes you can do everything right and it’s still a sadboy day but that doesn’t mean that you failed or that those strategies will never help you. It just means that didn’t help enough in the way that you needed that day but it might tomorrow. Or adding something new into the combination of tools might help you tomorrow. Learning to live and thrive with chronic depression or bipolar takes extensive experimenting to find the combination of tools that will help you feel happiness and balance. Please know that, even though I may not know you and I’m just a random fellow human on the internet...I still genuinely care about you, because I understand how difficult, how exhausting it can be to live period and live with depression or bipolar disorder. I say this a lot on this podcast and I really do believe it: Life has a funny way of working out. Just when you least expect it...just when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, and you’re ready to give up. Life is funny. It’s unpredictable, it keeps you on your toes, it’s...an adventure. And I know it’s so hard...so hard but sometimes you have to have a little trust. A little faith...even just for one more day. Okay? Keep advocating for yourself and I’ll keep advocating for you, as well. For all of us.
I hope these tips might offer you a new perspective or a gentle reminder and I encourage you to check the resources in the description, and explore my other cozy mental health episodes for more info, low-cost or free resources, and so on. Next week’s planned episode will be extra cozy so it would be an excellent idea to subscribe to The Noggin Podcast youtube channel or follow me on my new brand spanking Twitter @Noggin_podcast so you can enjoy the next episode for your Monday morning.
If you enjoyed and valued this cozy episode and would love to support me in creating more empowering mental health content, please share this episode link to someone you care about, and you can also become one of my lovely supporters at patreon.com/thenogginpodcast or anchor.fm/thenogginpodcast/support. I deeply appreciate you, thank you so much.
The very last thing: If you already know me you can skip these 40 seconds and just head to the end of this episode, but if you are new here and you’ve never stumbled across me before, pleasure to meet you. Again, my name is Kyarra Keele. Aside from being the host of this podcast, I'm a four-time published author, soon to publish my fifth in a few months, I was a healthy lifestyle blogger for six years and I am an aspiring polyglot currently learning four languages. I was a mental health ambassador working as a liaison between the community and local health center to educate and support and progress the mental health dialogue and I've been navigating the mental health system for about a decade.
I'm deeply passionate about mental health service and advocacy because I believe that no one deserves to be hurting or feeling alone in this universe. I hope that my zest & compassionate podcast will cheer you along on your good days and offer a cozy and supportive haven for you on your more difficult days.
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If you made it here to the conclusion of this episode, I just want to say thank you so much. Muchisimas gracias. If you’re interested in learning more information you can explore The Noggin Podcast official website, and you can show your love and support for compassionate mental health advocacy on our Patreon as well as following us on Twitter, Pinterest & The Noggin Podcast Youtube channel to be a part of our cozy home with new episode releases every Monday morning. (Smiling in voice) See you in the next episode! Nos vemos en el próximo episodio.
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